


love in your reality

by misszuipperips



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of other members of Vox Machina, Secret Crush, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 08:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misszuipperips/pseuds/misszuipperips
Summary: Chronicling Taryon's crush on Percy throughout his time with Vox Machina, filled with daydreams and Tary being a useless gay towards the object of his affections.





	love in your reality

Taryon wasn’t sure when it developed, but he realised that he wanted Percy the way he’d wanted Lawrence when he leaned in to wipe away grime on his face while tinkering in the workshop together. He’d leaned in, and it was when he realised how close they were to kissing that he’d realised how badly he wanted to close the distance—but his cowardice took over, and he quickly laughed it off to break the tension so that they could return to tinkering. He quickly thought of ten different excuses to wave away the flush on his face and the way he jolted back from Percy when Vex showed up and Percy showed off their new invention.

 

At night, he lay awake imagining a life where he could’ve met Percival as a noble at a ball. A life where he could’ve seen the de Rolos from across the dancefloor; where he would’ve certainly made eye contact with Percival and it would be just like a play—that they would know, in that instant, that there was a spark to be pursued. That maybe, as the night progressed and Tary danced with all the assuredly lovely women, he would’ve ended up dancing with Percival; and he would blush as Percival looked down at him through those ornate glasses and Tary’s father wouldn’t see how they clutched each other’s hands as the dance concluded. They would steal away precious moments on the balconies of these castles like every couple in a romance book, and Percy would tuck Tary’s hair behind his ear and press a gentle kiss against his lips. Percy’s siblings would all laugh to each other about how obvious they were, but Tary’s family were perfectly oblivious because in these imaginary lives there was never any conflict that arose like it had in reality. Perhaps they’d even meet up with Vox Machina as distinguished nobility, joining them for brave adventures where they could treat the party to lives of luxury and wine that wasn’t awful—but in these dreams Percy was always his, and that was how he knew it wasn’t real.

When he dared to consider a life that he might’ve led where he beat Vex (in a race that isn’t a race; because he never had a horse and he knows that this will only happen in his terrible dreams that his mind plagued him with) and he could freely walk shoulder-to-shoulder with Percival down streets and hold his hand, where he could even dare to _kiss_ the other noble, he buried his face in his pillow and tries not to scream because he’s not supposed to want this, to want another man like he wanted ( _still wants_ ) Lawrence. He’s supposed to be a brave adventurer, and adventurers rescue damsels and woo ladies and leave trails of broken (female) hearts behind them—but he cannot stop thinking about Percy’s smile, and the way that it lights up the room whenever they succeed in their tinkering.

“Doty,” he announced, “write this down.”

His mechanical friend lumbered over and opened the book, pen poised to write down whatever Taryon dictated. But Tary choked at the thought of putting his domestic and soft fantasies on paper, instead covering his face with his hands and flushing at the thoughts of what could be if he’d kissed Percy in the workshop.

“Never mind,” he eventually said, waving off Doty and resisting the urge to kick his legs against the bed in a fit of childish anger at his own emotions.

 

He hoped that in time he could forget about his crush on Percy and keep his calm during their tinkering sessions, with limited success. There were dozens of trashed poems and letters both Dotys had transcribed for Tary after he threw himself onto the nearest bed or chair in a fit of dramatics and waxes poetic about how perfect Percy is—there were at least 3 pages dedicated to his eyes and the gleam in them that Tary gets to witness as they tinker together. He felt horrid about it each time that he ripped the pages from his book-to-be, as if writing it down and ripping it up will somehow purge him of his _crush_. He knew realistically that it wasn’t as bad as he made it seem, that these things happened, but when he was ugly-crying after a bottle of wine and 4 pages into ranting to Doty about how incredible Percy was and how much of a genius the other noble was, it was hard to realise this.

 

He was still good friends with Vex and Percy despite the shame he felt at his emotions. He could honestly say that this was probably the best period of his life thus far—he just wished that he could’ve developed a crush on anyone else in the party, even after his very firm realisation that women were not what he was into. Vax’ildan would’ve been a better choice, because his relationship with Keyleth was confusing and Tay was never quite sure if they were a couple, or even Grog. He’d tried to force himself to like Grog romantically, staring at the (rather lewd) images that Pike had made Doty render as a flash card to remembering their names, but one look at Grog’s manhood in that image was enough to scare him off with thoughts of ruptured intestines and internal bleeding. _No thank you_ , he’d thought hurriedly, shuffling through the photos with some alarm. _I’ll stick to more vanilla romances_. He tried to think of what a romance with Vax would be like, but solidly concluded that it would likely be too confusing and tumultuous based on what he saw (and had been told by the others). So, alas and alack, he was stuck with his temptations to hold Percy’s hand when the opportunity arose whilst tinkering and his daydreams of dancing at balls and engaging in high society with his arm looped in Percy’s.

 

There were moments at Whitestone when he saw Vex kiss Percy and he felt himself flush, clenched hands, and he hated himself for wanting so desperately to be her in that moment. He used all of his practice at acting and playing pretend with Doty growing up to make sure when they look at him they don’t see this wretched side of him—because he _is_ truly happy for them, for his friends that he’s spending the year with and working alongside at the bakery—but he’s so weak that even the mere sight of white hair caused his heart to race and his knees to go weak.

(It made it awkward, sometimes, to stammer at the sight of white hair only to realise it was attached to some elderly individual, and he worried that the others who worked there would think he had some strange old person fetish—it wasn’t as though he could explain it away with the truth that he had a terribly teenage crush on Percy.)

 

 

Feelings _sucked_. He’d realised this a few beats after he’d realised he had a crush on Percy in the first place. But eventually, people move on. By the time that Tary left Vox Machina, his crush had transformed into the kind of fond friendship that didn’t leave him dreaming at night of a world where they’d met and gotten a happy ending together. He knew that he wanted to find someone like Percy, but it was by chance that he’d reconnected with Lawrence after returning home to take over his family’s business. Those original feelings, buried under years of denial and repression, emerged with a grand swell as their eyes met—just like in a play.

He got his perfect storybook ending with Lawrence, marrying him and living out those high society fantasies without a thought of Percy in his head as they waltzed across the ballroom. Tary introduced his husband to Vex and Percy, and there was no twinge of jealousy or thoughts filled with what ifs as he smiled at his once-crush and now good friend. His days were filled with laughter instead, with Lawrence smiling indulgently as he embellished the grand adventures of Vox Machina (starring Taryon as the daring lead) throughout their travels to and from Whitestone.

**Author's Note:**

> UHHHHHHHHHHHH i love tary he's my son  
> @ sam riegel do you know i would die for this beautiful boy?????  
> anyway tary's unrequited crush on percy is a fair old mood and i'm weak for writing/reading about crushes so i decided it was high time i wrote this lmaoooo  
> the song title is from "your reality", which is the ending song to doki doki literature club. that game is Wild but the song is so soft and good that it inspired this whole thing.  
> come talk to me about taryon darrington on tumblr at zenyattta and on twitter at archistrateges and tieflingsorcery


End file.
